Open Thread: Big Talk Butters No Parsnips
3 days ago
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Thursday, October 23, 2008
McCain's Brother Calls 911 for Traffic Complaint
[John McCain's brother Joe] called the police emergency line because he was angry he was stuck in traffic.
The 911 call came into the City of Alexandria on Oct. 21st That's creating some buzz because it appears to come from Joe McCain, John McCain's brother.Operator: 911 state your emergency
Caller: It's not an emergency but do you know why on one side at the damn drawbridge of 95traffic is stopped for 15 minutes and yet traffic's coming the other way?
Operator: Sir, are you calling 911 to complain about traffic? (pause)
Caller: "(Expletive) you." (caller hangs up)
The complaint call about traffic on the Wilson Bridge, outrageous enough that the 911 operator called back. The voicemail on the other end, appears to belong to Joe McCain, brother of presidential candidate, John McCain.
Quote of the Day
"New ad slogan: 'Clothes for Gov. Palin? $150,000. Time machine to go back two months to late August and ask what the Hell were Schmidt and Davis thinking when they cooked up this idea and sold it to McCain? Priceless.'" -- Republican Mike Murphy, who once ran the campaign of McCain 1.0
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
McCain for 'Socialism' Before He Was Against It
The heights of hypocrisy reached by John McCain in this election are mind-boggling.
McCain and his well-dressed running mate are still running around out there screaming that OMG, Obama is a SOCIALIST! (!!!)
Well, consider this exchange from long, long ago (i.e., 2000) when an audience member asked McCain if a progressive tax system is "SOCIALIST!"
Audience member: "Why is it that someone like my father who goes to school for 13 years gets penalized in a huge tax bracket because he's a doctor."McCain: "I think it's to some degree because we feel obviously that wealthy people can afford more."
Audience member: "Are we getting closer and closer to, like, socialism?"
McCain: "Here's what I really believe: That when you reach a certain level of comfort, there's nothing wrong with paying somewhat more."
As The Daily Show put it:
"That, of course, is the late socialist leader John Mccain. I believe he passed away during the Republican primaries. He will be missed."
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Self-Parody Quote of the Week: Cindy McCain
This is pretty hilarious.
On Faux News recently, Cindy McCain had this to say about the media coverage of her husband's campaign:
"What has really stunned me is the -- quite honestly, is the kind of viciousness of the media on occasion," Mrs. McCain said. "In 2000 -- there's certainly always been, you know, differences, and the -- you know, the things that occur. But this has taken on a different tenor. And I don't know why and what's caused that, and I'm sorry for it because I think it turns a lot of young people off."
Imagine how different this would sound if you just swapped out a few words:
"What has really stunned me is the -- quite honestly, is the kind of viciousness of the [the McCain campaign] on occasion," [an undecided voter] said. "In 2000 -- there's certainly always been, you know, differences, and the -- you know, the things that occur. But this has taken on a different tenor. And I don't know why and what's caused that, and I'm sorry for it because I think it turns a lot of young people off."
Palin as President
This is brutal but hilarious.
Check out the site PalinAsPresident.us.
The site envisions what Sarah Palin's oval office would look like -- with audio!
Click on all the items to hear her take on topics and issues of the day. I especially like the audio for the empty diploma frames: "Learnin's HARD!"
Ha!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Poem of the Day
By John Cleese:
Ode to Sean Hannity
Aping urbanity
Oozing with vanity
Plump as a manatee
Faking humanity
Journalistic calamity
Intellectual inanity
Fox Noise insanity
You’re a profanity
Hannity
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Friday, October 3, 2008
Palin = Fargo's Marge Gunderson - Video
Conservative Rob Dreher points out an eerily apt comparison between Sarah Palin's contrived folksiness of last night with Fargo's Chief Marge Gunderson:
Palin's folksy "you betcha" demeanor undermined confidence in her ability to handle a serious crisis. It brought to mind police chief Marge Gunderson in the great film "Fargo," and it irritated me. I thought: "This is heavy stuff, stop it with the welcome-wagon shtick."This fake McCain campaign ad starring
Having said that, Sheriff Marge was the hero of "Fargo," and her you-betchaness concealed her fundamental seriousness, while at the same time telegraphing a foursquare simplicity that, in the end, revealed the greatness of her character. Perhaps it does with Palin as well.
Holiday Gift Ideas: 'Talking Points' Caribou Barbie™
Just in time for the holidays, pick up the new 'Talking Points' Caribou Barbie for your little tyke:
New "Talking Points" Caribou Barbie™ repeats phrases at random--you never know what she'll say next! Doll really talks with eyes that move.* Includes hunting rifle, moose carcass, Bible and every single newspaper--Caribou Barbie™ reads them all! Rape kit sold separately. By GOP.
"Talking Points" Caribou Barbie™ from antichrista on Vimeo.
Sarah Palin Debate Flowchart Leaked!
Now we can understand how Sarah Palin got through last night's debate:
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Post-Debate Palin Spin Lolcat
As a public service to the McCain bloggers out there who might need an image to use in your post-debate "Palin did great! So authentic; she's one of us! Leave her alone, Librul Media!!" posts, may I offer the lolcat I created last month?
Palin is a 'Post Turtle'
Here's a cute little (likely apocryphal) story my mom sent me this morning:
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75-year old Texas rancher whose hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Sarah Palin and her bid to be a heartbeat away from being President.
The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Palin is a post turtle.' Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a post turtle was. The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle.' The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he continued to explain: 'You know she didn't get up there by herself, she doesn't belong up there, she doesn't know what to do while she is up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put her up there to begin with.'
Tracking 'Gotcha Journalism' With Gotchaware™
There is a hilarious new must-read article up on the Columbia Journalism Review that rails against the perils of McCain's dreaded "Gotcha Journalism":
We’re writing to inform you that there’s an injustice being carried out in the late weeks of this presidential campaign, a blight that threatens the reputation of the entire journalistic profession. We’re referring to “gotcha journalism”—a failure on the part of the media to demonstrate the proper deference to the public officials who serve us, protect us, and put our country first—and we fear that it is spreading, like a worm through bad apples, among normally self-respecting, respectful reporters. Members of the press have lately been asking direct questions of a vice presidential candidate who has done little to deserve such questioning.
Yes, we know. It is horrifying.
And it gets worse: The problem of gotcha journalism has recently become so pronounced that, now, it’s being engaged in not merely by journalists, but also by voters themselves (though, we should note, we have yet to see any convincing proof that such “members of the electorate” are, in fact, concerned citizens, rather than self-interested partisans and/or individual organs of the liberal media elite out to spread their socialist agenda to freedom-loving Americans). Take, for example, the Temple University grad student who, while waiting in line for a Philly cheese steak on Monday and finding himself face-to-face with Sarah Palin, asked her about Pakistan. (“How about the Pakistan situation?” the sweatshirt-swathed scamp demanded. “What are your thoughts about that?”) Which is shameful. Just shameful. His lips may have said, “Pakistan,” but his eyes said, “Gotcha.”
Read The Whole Thing (h/t Daily Dish)
Monday, September 29, 2008
Interview Sarah Palin
Feeling down that Sarah Palin won't give press conferences and the few interviews she's given have been incoherent brain-melters on a colossal scale? A new website allows YOU to interview a virtual Sarah Palin!
Check it out here
Sunday, September 28, 2008
SNL Lampoons Sarah Palin Again - Video
Saturday Night Live last night was brilliant in lampooning Sarah Palin again. The funniest part about it is that much of the words coming out of Tina Fey's mouth were originally spoken by Sarah Palin!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Craig Ferguson Lays Into McCain
Craig Ferguson in last night's show laid into McCain's faux suspension of the campaign, comparing him to Napoleon and Castro:
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Sarah Palin with Sean Hannity: Interview or Infomercial?
This is a pretty telling juxtaposition by the Daily Show of Sarah Palin's interview with conservative blowhard Sean Hannity and a debt counseling infomercial. Hard to tell the difference, no?
So sad that the "fake news" has become "real" and the "real news" has become "fake".
Urgent Message from the Ministry of the Treasury
This cheered me up in a strange sort of way:
Dear American:
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.
I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.
I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.
This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed informations about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.
Yours Faithfully, Minister of Treasury Paulson
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